1) I take a graduate class once a week, in the evenings, called "Feminist Methods." Here, I read a variety of philosophers and social critics who publish works telling me that, as a woman, I am the other. That under a Hegelian master/slave dialectic, I am the slave. That under structuralist binaries, I am the opposite of rational, the opposite of transcendent, that I am un-intelligible, that my identity is not a unity but rather fragmented. That under anti-essentialist accounts of gender, my gender is performative, that my sex is performative, that my gender is a non-essential social construction, that my gender may be accounted for through the Wittgensteinian idea of family resemblances. That I am an exchange object, that I can essentialize my gender for political purposes, that I am embodied, that even as a lesbian I may not be able to escape patriarchy, that patriarchy is not just economical oppression, that patriarchy is deeper than economical oppression. That my fragmented identity can only be made intelligible through an institution that validates my intelligibility as a mother or wife. That if I am none of these I am fragmented again, and thus, irrational.
And then I recall how I laughed when my father told me that Philosophy had a schizophrenic character to it, but I am not laughing anymore.
2) I got my first rejection letter today. All I have to say is that I have accepted the reality of staying in Charlotte for one more year, and completing my MA in this city... But boy, I just know it's going to be a long year.